holynipples:

holynipples:

my throat is kinda irritated let me google it and see what’s up

i have a brain tumor

(via composinghappiness)

itsbetterthananal:

my dad just yelled up the stairs “CHLOE DID YOU KNOW THE WEATHERMAN WAS GAY I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS GAY HE JUST GOT MARRIED TO HIS BOYFRIEND” and i was like which weatheman are we talking about here and he said “THE BLONDE ONE WITH THE SHARP HAIR CUT AND THE TIGHT PECS AND THE HOT ASS BODY” dad is there something you want to tell me

(via cakestiels)

shitshilarious:

Its weird how you need a license to legally sell hot dogs but anybody is allowed to make a baby

(via rnegay)

goldenfreezeover:

somethingambiguous:

tltty:

when I’m old, kids will think I’m so ancient because it’s like ‘Holy shit you were born in the nineteen hundreds’

We’ll be the last humans to be born in a year beginning with “1”

(Source: hungarian, via jainumb)

deerpong:

there’s something very satisfying about buying office supplies but I’m not quite sure how to explain that feeling

(via illadmit-imnotthesameasiwas)

sexybritishllama:

u never truly appreciate how nice it is to be able to breathe through your nose until u get a cold

(via illadmit-imnotthesameasiwas)